Do you remember when you planned what you would wear, and where you would go out on your date with your spouse or loved one? Do you remember when you used to spend time preparing for your business meeting, and now you find yourself winging it in meetings? Do you remember when you cared about how your spouse felt and did what you could to make things right with them as quickly as possible?
If you are not putting forth the same effort as before the question you must ask yourself is why?
Has something happened that changed your opinion of not only what you do, but also how you do it?
Football coaches tell their players to “be where their feet are.” They don’t want to just be physically present, but also mentally and emotionally present. When a person checks out emotionally, it’s only a matter of time before you check out physically as well.
It doesn’t matter if this is in your home or work life. Failure to address the issues of why you are withdrawing not only hurt the relationship, but it also hurts yourself. It’s a passive aggressive response that doesn’t solve the real issue.
If you are struggling with giving the proper effort, then you may need to deal with a form of disappointment or unresolved issue that is keeping you from offering the best of you in the relationship or at work.
Here are 4 questions to consider when reflecting on why you are giving your all.
What is the role of the person?
Who is the person you have an issue with? Is it your spouse or family member? Is it a co-worker, or boss? Understanding who the person is helps you assess how important the relationship is and what your emphasis should be when confronting the issue. It’s important to consider…if you had to choose between the person or the issue, which would you choose?
How important is the issue?
Take a moment to think about how important the issue really is to you. Do you really care what shade of blue the bathroom is painted in, or why you weren’t invited to an event? Or is the issue connected to something else that is a deeper issue that you have with the person that you haven’t resolved yet?
Why is this upsetting you?
Fighting to hurt others or express your anger is not productive. It’s important to reflect on why the issue is bothering you. However, the purpose of the conflict should be to resolve the issue, not just to vent about how the conflict is making you feel.
When you focus on the outcome you desire, the battle turns into a more productive debate. This helps you achieve the goal you ought to have for each and every argument.
Is this a recurring issue?
Is this issue a part of a pattern with this person, or even a pattern with yourself. Many times people find themselves dealing with similar situations with different people because of some unresolved issues within themselves. If you find that different people are treating you in a similar way that is upsetting you, take a moment to ask yourself what your role could be in creating this pattern in your relationships.