Growing Up As a Couple. Or Not.

I’m greatly blessed my wife and I have been working on growing up together. Aside from the benefits I get from her growing up, we have a synergy thing going that helps us each grow up faster.

Growing up as a couple is awesome, and I highly recommend it. However, growing up is what you need, and doing it without her is far better than waiting for her to join in.

You know all those things your wife does that hurt you? And all places where you hurt because of what she failed to do? Your pain has far more to do with your immaturity than it has to do with her immaturity. Sure, much of what she does and doesn’t do is because of her immaturity, but the reason it hurts so much is almost entirely on you.

Next time your kids are being mean to each other, think about it. Most of what they do to hurt each other emotionally wouldn’t faze you at all. The reason for this is two-fold: you are mature enough to not care, and you clearly see their words are coming from their own immaturity. The same is true for adults if we can just see it. Some of it is intended to hurt us, or get a reaction. Some of it has nothing to do with the target; it’s all about the immaturity, pain, and need of the one doing it. Why should such things hurt us?

In the last week, how many times have you done something to hurt your wife? Come on, be honest. What have you done to get a rise out of her? When did you speak unkindly because of your own pain, emptiness, or self-doubt? In short, when did you lash out at her because of your immaturity? When did you fail to do something you should have done because you were being immature? What would you have done had you been grown up enough to care as much about her as you care for yourself?

Even if you’re well along the path to being a mature person, you should be able to see no shortage of recent failures in the areas I mentioned above. Frankly if you can’t see such things, it’s a solid indication you’re not dealing with yourself in a mature, honest way.