Have you had one of those days? A day when you felt small, or like a bad parent, like a bad wife, like a bad everything? Or perhaps you had a day where you were publicly humiliated? Or just in a bad mood for absolutely no reason? Chances are you did!
How do you typically deal with such days? Go ahead and check as many as applies!
1) You had an internal conversation full of negativity and self-hate. “I do suck”, “I am a loser”, “I am a complete failure”, “I am a …”
2) You rationalized how much you suck by giving yourself examples and finding evidence for why you are indeed a failure:
“How could I be so stupid to push reply all instead of just reply” “I deserve this because I do …” “I deserve this because I don’t…”
3) You projected this onto others
Told your husband “you suck”, told your child “you are a failure”, gave the finger to someone who did not even cut you off! Who do you usually project feelings of insecurity onto?
4) You stopped feeling, thinking, but completely withdrew. You went to sleepand hoped that it would all end by the time you woke up. Or, tried to self medicate by taking painkillers, drugs, or overeating. How do you self medicate?
5) You firmly believed that these ugly feelings are forever, and if anything things would get worse. “There is no hope, I am a stupid person”, “I will never get this”, “I will never …”
Here is what you should do instead when you feel vulnerable:
1) Honor any feeling you have, even if negative. But, be kind to yourself and show self-compassion.
2) Speak to yourself with dignity and respect. Don’t allow any thoughts of self-disrespect to invade your soul.
3) Do one kind act towards someone, anyone. This will demonstrate to your injured soul that you can help someone feel better, and therefore you can make yourself feel better. Doing a kind act gives immediate gratification and makes the world a better place. Imagine if that person is also having a bad day and you shocked them with your kindness? Chances are, someone might shock you with their kindness.
4) Connect, connect and connect. Connect with someone who is trustworthy and who loves you because of your vulnerabilities. Do not do it by texting them, pick up the phone and call them. Or, ask someone who is worthy of your love to meet for coffee and just talk and vent about your day. Chances are you will feel so much better after venting. We are social beings and most of our problems and their solutions require social bonding. Do NOT connect with negative people; your soul is too raw to handle their acidity on such days. Do not just connect with anyone.
5) Self-medicate with exercise and indulge in nature. Go for a walk on the beach. Have a conversation with the ocean; oceans are never judgmental! But, don’t listen to sad music while taking a walk, not on those days. Sad music will intensify your negative feelings. Walking and exercising in general release feel-good chemicals.
6) Tell yourself “Nothing is forever, this too will pass”. Some days are bad, really bad, just allow them to pass.
We all have unprovoked bad days, they are almost mandatory! Sometimes, it is completely out of our control, but what we do about them is completely within our control. Every time, a bad day does not destroy you, your brainkeeps track of this as a small victory. Then the next time you have a bad day, your brain reminds you that you survived the last ten times that happened. It then predicts that you will survive this one too. As a result, your self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth escape uninjured from such days.
Have a great day or a manageable so-so day!