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This Annoying Texting Habit May Be Ruining Your Relationships


Apr. 27, 2018 Huffington Post

You know that obnoxious habit of waiting hours ― sometimes days on end ― to reply to a text?

There’s a name for that: cricketing — when you read a text but don’t reply for way too long or not at all. Instead of getting a response, the poor person you’re communicating with waits and waits and waits to hear back from you. Cue the crickets.

The term came to prominence earlier this year when the dating website Plenty of Fish included it on a list of dating behaviors modern singles deal with regularly.

The site described in the context of romantic interactions, but it could just as easily be applied to communication with anyone — for example, if your mother-in-law asks whether you’re going to a barbecue on Sunday and you brush the text aside, only to realize on Sunday that you forgot to reply.

Still, there is something particularly unpleasant about experiencing it from someone you’re in love with, said Kurt Smith, a therapist who specializes in counseling men.

“Weekly I hear partners complain about communication problems in their relationships connected to texting. It’s usually either that their partner is ‘blowing up my phone’ or ‘I don’t get a response,’” he said. “I see both sexes equally guilty of misusing texting and just as likely to use passive-aggressive behavior like cricketing.”

Parents and older texters tend to be more prone to cricketing, said Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and the author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life: Master All Social and Business Exchanges. 

“I recently had a client who told me that her parents were the worst cricketers,” she told HuffPost. “She said she could be having a smooth exchange with them but as soon as she asked if they were still OK with babysitting the kids for the weekend or with giving her a ride to pick up her car from being serviced, she’d get nothing but crickets.”

The woman’s parents assured her that the silence wasn’t intentional, but the damage was done.

“Her immediate assumption was that they just didn’t want to help her,” Gottsman said. “That reaction is enough to leave a person feeling hurt.”

Of course, cricketing is even more irksome if you’re messaging with people who have their read receipts on. The message there? “Yes, I saw your message, and yes, you’re being ignored.”

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