The risk of falling into an abusive relationship has increased now that so many relationships are initiated online. It’s always been difficult to discern in dating which habits and attitudes will emerge when living together; developing feelings for someone online, before ever meeting them in person, makes it much harder.
In the early stages of dating, abusers are able to mask the obvious red flags of angry, controlling, possessive, jealous, or violent behavior. Here are some very early warning signs of potential abuse that are harder to hide.
1. A Blamer
Avoid anyone who blames negative feelings and bad luck on someone else. For example, if your potential partner says something like, “You’re so smart, sensitive, and together, you won’t believe the trouble that self-centered, greedy, person I used to date caused me,” you can bet that sooner or later blame will fall on you. Blamers forego the natural motivation of negative emotions to improve. Instead, they opt for temporary feelings of moral superiority to those they blame.
Resentful people are so locked into their own perspectives that they become insensitive to the rights and perspectives of the people closest to them.
After the glow of infatuation wears off, people who believe they deserve special treatment and special consideration will regard their feelings and desires as more important than yours. If you acquiesce, you may get depressed. If you disagree, you may get abused.
Once they get close, people who act superior to others begin to put down their partners to feel a little better about themselves.
A potential partner who makes a big deal out of nothing probably means that in a close relationship you will be criticized for the smallest of things, real or imagined.
Sarcastic people try to sound smart or witty with at least a subtle put-down in their voice. They tend to be oblivious to the effects of their behavior on others or dismissive of the hurt feelings of others as a function of their “poor sense of humor” or “over-sensitivity.” In dating, the sarcasm may be directed at others; in a relationship, it may center on you.