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7 Ways To Reconnect With A Friend You Lost Touch With


Apr. 7, 2020

Here is an excerpt from Bustle to help you get started today.

Keep It Simple

The goal is to make your old friend feel comfortable, and a big part of this will involve trying not to exaggerate what happened between the two of you. “Be simple, especially if you’re strapped for time and haven’t spoken in a while,” Jenn DeWall, millennial life and career coach, tells Bustle. “Text or email a simple ‘hi’ or ‘thinking of you note.’ Remember it doesn’t have to be long and detailed, people are just happy you have reached out!” Once the simple act of reaching out is done, you can get the ball rolling on making plans or doing a sentimental gesture. 

Be Direct

Most importantly, you have to be up-front. If it’s been a while, there’s going to be some awkwardness, but your friend deserves your openness and honesty. “If you and your friend had a strong relationship, then be direct,” health and wellness coach Caleb Backe tells Bustle. “Don’t be afraid to cut the crap and address the situation for exactly what it is. Try to communicate that you were thinking about them and want to see how they’re holding up. This can convey true care and let them know that you want to reconnect as friends and not start fresh as strangers.” In most cases, losing touch was a two-way street. Yes, you might not have heard from them in a while, but you didn’t reach out to them either.

“Own it,” Wiercyski says. “Acknowledge that you haven’t connected in a while and simply ask if they’re interested in getting together … Then, when you get together, if it’s a bit awkward, ask them open ended questions. It’ll keep the pressure off of you and make them feel good because they get to talk about themselves and the awesome stuff they’ve been doing.” No one needs to be blamed for losing touch, but you shouldn’t avoid the situation either. Honor the fact that life got ahead of you, and it will be easier to move on together. 

Actually Set Plans

No one likes to hear the words “let’s grab coffee!” when they know it means, “let’s not talk again for a year!” While it seems like the polite thing to say, it can be hurtful. But what do you do if you actually mean it?

“A genuine ‘let’s grab coffee!’ is immediately followed up by arranging the date, time and place,” DeWall says. “If you’re not setting a date you’re not likely getting coffee together.” These plans are the foundation for the next step of your friendship.

Once the plans are in place, make sure you’re keeping your friend comfortable as well. “Keep it casual,” Wiercyski says. “This may mean simply grabbing coffee or going to happy hour. And definitely try to keep it at a 1:1 level. It’s so easy for someone to feel intimated if you haven’t connected for a while then you invite them to hang out with all your new friends … If you’re reconnecting with someone you haven’t seen in years, then it may be best to invite them to a defined activity (i.e. the painting classes that are popular, bowling, or even a sporting event) because if things are a bit awkward, there’s something else to focus on and possibly create a new bond over.” And if you both have a good time hanging out again, make plans for your next hangout, too. Making brunch reservations a few weeks in advance is necessary these days, anyways.

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