10 Signs You Have A Solid Foundation For A Marriage
Jun. 7, 2016 Huffinton Post
If you’re considering getting engaged, it may be time for some introspection.
Experts say there are certain signs that indicate whether or not your relationship is marriage material. Read them below.
1. You respect each other, even when you disagree.
“Name calling and contempt aren’t how you guys operate. Instead, you maintain a respectful tone even during your most difficult conversations. If you can respect your partner no matter what, this shows that your relationship can withstand anything.” — Samantha Rodman, clinical psychologist and dating coach
2. You talk straight and fight fair.
“At the early stages of a romantic relationship, you may resist getting differences out in the open, looking them straight in the eye, and having a good fight when necessary. Instead, you may ride the relationship like a two-person bicycle that will topple over if there’s not perfect agreement and togetherness. The more of your authentic self you bring into the relationship, and the less you silence your authentic voice to avoid the possibility of conflict or disapproval, the more solid the foundation of your relationship.” — Harriet Lerner, psychologist and author of “The Dance of Anger“
3. You’re not looking for someone to make you happy.
“In general, marriage doesn’t make anyone happier. We enter marriage with a sort of baseline happiness, and marriage doesn’t fundamentally alter that. When the individuals in a couple are able to ‘fill their own cup,’ it contributes to flexibility and freedom in the relationship. The marriage is then less likely to buckle under pressure.” — Amy Begel, family and couples therapist
4. You accept that the person you picked is not perfect.
“Face it: You’re not perfect and neither is your partner. The good news is that a healthy and solid marriage is based on accepting each other, including the flaws. If there a red flags at the outset — say, a partner who drinks too much or or lies or treats you with disrespect — you’re wise to think twice. But the ordinary challenging stuff — he leaves his dirty socks on the nightstand, she looses her keys — isn’t going to disappear once you say ‘I do.’ The key is to appreciate all the good things and to somehow find peace with what’s less than ideal.” — Winifred M. Reilly, marriage and family therapist
5. You can talk about the tough topics.
“Communication is the number-one problem for couples. None of us are perfect at it, but when we can talk about difficult topics like money, sex, kids, religion or politics, and do so respectfully, we’ve got a good foundation for a happy future together.” — Kurt Smith, counselor and director of Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching